4 corners of a circle

Hope is good. Without it, well, you do the math. But hope has to be like a prayer. Putting it out there to something more powerful than yourself. If the last few months have thought me anything, it's this: We don't have control, we have choices. The little ones, the big ones, these are the points on which our lives pitch and pivot. All we can do is make the best choices we can with what we know, and hope that things turn out the way we want.


“When you start to really know someone, all his physical characteristics start to disappear. You begin to dwell in his energy, recognize the scent of his skin. You see only the essence of the person,not the shell. That's why you can't fall in love with beauty. You can lust after it, be infatuated by it, want to own it. You can love it with your eyes and body but not your heart. And that's why, when you really connect with a person's inner self, any physical imperfections disappear, become irrelevant.” 
― Lisa Unger, Beautiful Lies


With Bill I had the feeling of absolute knowing. Not the cliche of  lovers-as-one who finish each others sentences, but the sensation that Bill's gestures exploded from my hands, that i'd stepped into his body as easily as I'd walk through a rice curtain. He was my elixir, my addiction. I knew it was perverse to think of the man I loved as a drug, but it was true. He sang in my bloodstream. He touched me, and I was lulled. He coaxed the words onto my silent tongue. You get loved like that, and you're bound to become selfish. You're  bound to wonder how you'll survive when that love's gone.