man overboard

When we think
we are in love,
holding on
or letting go
becomes a problem –
perhaps,
if the question
arises at all,
we are not in love
but merely a victim
of our own desire…


N. Witcomb, The thoughts of Nanushka




..you are not particularly attracted to Elaine, who’s too hard-edged in your view. You do not even think she is a particularly nice person. Yet you have this desire to prove that you can have as good a time as anyone, that you can be one of the crowd. Objectively, you know that Elaine is desireable, and you feel obligated to desire her. It seems to be your duty to go through the motions. You keep thinking that with practice you will eventually get the knack of enjoying superficial encounters, that you will stop looking for the universal solvent, stop grieving. You will learn to compound happiness out of small increments of mindless pleasure.

Bright Lights, Big City J. McInerney





I try not to stand too close to myself
I try not to listen to the things I say
they say there’s no such thing as self abuse
you wonder how I can be trusted
if I’m finely tuned or well adjusted.
oh pity about you
oh pity about me
More’s the pity about her
everytime she comes inside
you had to run
you wish that crush would go away
you’re not the only one

Squinting at broad daylight
drumming up a conversation
parsons brows is pealing appealing
drumming up a congregation
hands reaching for a glass of water
dry socks and razor rash
your shoes under my bed
dandruff, doona – cigarette ash

I’ve tried to play it open-handed
I’ve tried to make a fist of this
even when the questions are candid
my arrows miss
I’ve heard about your fragile ego
your shield, your sword
what am I expected to do
shout ‘man overboard’?

Come around when I’m asleep
roll around try to wake me
that’s alright you’ve got to go now
words overtake me
your pubic hairs are on my pillow
your stubble rings the sink
your words under my skin
your table manners stink
I paddle in the things I love
you wallow in a swamp of trivia
in a vase with insincere I love you’s
next doors camellias
I’m sick and tired of this postion
hatched underneath your arm
a crutch under stress
your rudder when it’s calm

I’m bored staring at the ceiling
while you point out my flaws
I’ve watched the wallpaper peeling
from slamming doors
you talk about this penis envy
your friends applaud
what am I expected to do
shout ‘man overboard’

Come across to other girls
look around start a rumour
jealous wife scenes raise a smile at parties
like anal humour
are you addicted to attention
do you do it for effect
your wit out of control
misunderstood and henpicked

Man Overboard; Do-Re-Mi