decks, E's and midnight runners...

"There is a vitality, a life force, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and because there is only one of you in all time, this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and be lost. The world will not have it.
It is not your business to determine how good it is, nor how valuable it is, nor how it compares with other expressions. It is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly, to keep the channel open. You do not even have to believe in yourself or your work. you have to keep open and aware directly to the urges that motivate you. Keep the channel open.
No artist is pleased...there is no satisfaction whatever at any time. There is only a queer, divine dissatisfaction; a blessed unrest that keeps us marching and makes us more alive than the others."

- Martha Graham to Agnes DeMille




...the forty year old virgin...

STEVE: You know what, I respect women, I love women.

I respect them so much that I completely stay away from them.




meanwhile, back at the ranch..


CLEMENTINE
I saw you sitting over here. By
yourself. I thought, thank God, someone
normal, who doesn't know how interact at
these things either.

JOEL
Yeah. I don't ever know what to say.

CLEMENTINE
I can't tell you how happy I am to hear
that. I mean, I don't mean I'm happy
you're uncomfortable, but, yknow... I'm
such a loser. Every time I come to a
party I tell myself I'm going to be
different and it's always exactly the
same and then I hate myself after for
being such a clod.

JOEL
Even then I didn't believe you entirely.
I thought how could you be talking to me
if you couldn't talk to people?

VOICE-OVER
But I thought, I don't know, I thought it
was cool that you were sensitive enough
to know what I was feeling and that you
were attracted to it.

CLEMENTINE
But, I don't know, maybe we're the normal
ones, y'know? I mean, what kind of
people do well at this stuff?

VOICE-OVER
And I just liked you so much.

CLEMENTINE (CONT'D)
You did? You liked me?

JOEL
You know what I did.

CLEMENTINE
Yeah, I know. I'm fishing.

JOEL
You said --

She picks a drumstick off of Joel's plate.


CLEMENTINE
I'm Clementine. Can I borrow a piece of
your chicken?

JOEL
And you picked it out of my plate before
I could answer and it felt so intimate
like we were already lovers.




meanwhile somewhere on the Left Bank....



Céline: I was thinking...for me it's better I don't romanticize things as much anymore. I was suffering so much all the time. I still have lots of dreams, but they're not in regard to my love life. (Cut to interior of the car.) It doesn't make me sad, it's just the way it is.


Jesse: Is that why you're in a relationship with somebody who's never around?



Céline: Yes, obviously, I can't deal with the day to day life of a relationship. Yeah, we have, you know, this exciting time together and then he leaves, and I miss him, but at least I'm not dying inside. When someone is always around me, I'm like suffocating!


Jesse: No, wait, you just said that you need to love and be loved...



Céline: Yeah, but when I do it quickly makes me nauseous! It's a disaster... I mean I'm really happy only when I'm on my own. Even being alone...it's better than...sitting next to a lover and feeling lonely. It's not so easy for me to be all romantic. You start off that way and after you've been screwed over a few times...you...you…you forget about all your delusional ideas and you just take what comes into your life. That's not even true I haven't been...screwed over, I've just had too many blah relationships. They weren't mean, they cared for me, but... there were no real...connection or excitement. At least not from my side.


Jesse: God, I'm sorry, is it...is it really that bad? It's not, right?


Céline: (Shaking her head with eyes nearly watering.) You know...it's not even that. I was...I was fine, until I read your fucking book! It stirred shit up, you know? It reminded me how genuinely romantic I was, how I had so much hope in things, and now it's like...I don't believe in anything that relates to love. I don't feel things for people anymore. In a way...I put all my romanticism into that one night, and I was never able to feel all this again. Like...somehow this night took things away from me and...I expressed them to you, and you took them with you! It made me feel cold, like if love wasn't for me!


Jesse: I... I don't believe that. I don't believe that.



Céline: You know what? Reality and love are almost contradictory for me. It's funny...every single of my ex’s...they're now married! Men go out with me, we break up, and then they get married! And later they call me to thank me for teaching them what love is, and…


Jesse: (Smiling sympathetically.) Oh God. (Rubs his face with both hands.)


Céline: …and that I taught them to care and respect women!


Jesse: (Pointing at himself.) I think I'm one of those guys.


Céline: (Yelling.) You know, I want to KILL them!! Why didn't they ask ME to marry them? I would have said "No", but at least they could have asked!! But it's my fault, I know it's my fault, because...I never felt it was the right man. Never! But what does it mean the right man? The love of your life? The concept is absurd; the idea that we can only be complete with another person is...EVIL!! RIGHT??!!



Jesse: (Sheepishly.) Can I talk?



Céline: (Speaking more quietly.) You know, I guess I've been heartbroken too many times. And then I recovered. So now, you know, from the starts I make no effort…because I know it’s not going to work out, I know it’s not going to work out.



Jesse: You can't do that. You can't do that, you can't live your life trying to avoid pain, at the expense of en...




Céline: I'm so miserable in my love life, in my relationship, I always act as... like...you know, I'm detached, but I'm... I'm dying inside. I'm dying because I'm so numb. I don't feel pain, or excitement. I'm not even bitter, I'm just...uh…


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